As with every election year, some families, friends, neighbors, co-workers and spouses don’t see eye to eye. And while political differences may be more manageable in less contentious years, there is ample fuel to stoke the fire this year.
While people invest time in analyzing their own convictions, there is something more important than political candidates, parties and issues – their significant others. When spouses or partners are on opposite sides of the aisle, making their relationships work between now and Election and Inauguration Days requires a higher level of patience and commitment.
Politics Makes Strange Bedfellows
There is a line in the play The Tempest by William Shakespeare which reads, “Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.” In the play, it is spoken by a man who has been shipwrecked and finds himself seeking shelter beside a sleeping monster.
In the mid 19th-century, the line was modified into the proverbial saying, “Politics makes strange bedfellows,” which means that political alliances in a common cause may bring together those of widely differing views. The Political Dictionary further explains, “In modern contexts, especially in politics and social commentary, ‘strange bedfellows’ refers to an unusual or unexpected partnership between people, groups, or entities who typically have different beliefs, goals, or viewpoints. These alliances often arise out of necessity, driven by the desire to achieve a specific policy outcome or electoral victory, despite deep-seated differences on other issues.”¹
In the context of marriage, we can turn the proverb on its head by saying that couples with differing political opinions can find the common ground needed to maintain a healthy relationship (in and out of bed).
The Political Divide
The reality is, the longer a couple has been together, the greater the likelihood that through personal growth, one or both spouses’ belief systems have shifted. It is entirely possible for those belief systems to veer in the same direction; however, if one person’s inclinations lean in an opposing direction to their partner’s, the relationship can come under a tremendous strain. Many people experience the shock of a lifetime the moment they realize how committed their spouse has become to “the other side.” They may feel confused, betrayed and bewildered.
Family therapist Craig Lambert, a professional communicator and relationship expert by trade, experienced this firsthand with his then girlfriend.² He describes his reaction to the revelation as, “(I was) incredulous, outraged and shocked by her viewpoint.” He could not conceive that someone he knew so intimately and considered “reasonable, insightful and logical” could be “so blind.” Lambert says he started to question if they were truly compatible as he pondered whether or not their opposing political views were revealing fundamental differences in their values and beliefs.
As Lambert became more “argumentative, patronizing, critical and intolerant of (his girlfriend’s) viewpoints and angry at her inability to see and agree with (his)” he realized he was behaving as if he owned, “THE TRUTH.” But as we all know, in politics and in life, truth is a subjective perception. There is no absolute right or wrong. There is no one single truth.
I’m Red, You’re Blue. What Do We Do?
The first thing to consider is that as important as political candidates, parties and issues can be, they are nothing when compared to a happy marriage. No candidate, whether red, blue or independent, will cheer up their spouse after they’ve had a bad day, give a hug when needed, pick the kids up from school or enjoy memories of special family occasions together. And while candidates make plenty of promises, they’ll never promise to be with you through better or worse, until death do us part. After all, the presidency only lasts four years, but a marriage can last a lifetime.
Couples who find themselves in contentious political opposition may jump to the conclusion that their marriage won’t survive the political season let alone the next four years. However, there are recommendations for working towards minimizing or overcoming the divisiveness of the situation, including:
- When there is respect in the marriage and spouses can acknowledge that they each are entitled to unique viewpoints, they can come to realize that their differences don’t have to be threatening. They’re just different.
- In order to be comfortable with those differences, couples should have honest, and if needed, on-going discussions about why one or both people have chosen to support a certain political view. Perhaps learning that a spouse has fears or concerns they believe only one candidate is equipped to handle will enlighten the other spouse, leading to greater understanding and acceptance.
- These discussions should be approached with an open mind and a sense of curiosity. The point is to listen and learn vs trying to win the other person over. Anger, manipulation and threats may likely only further solidify the other person’s convictions. After all, most people don’t respond well to being told they are wrong and often react by becoming more committed to their own opinions.
- Reaching a place of mutual respect of positions can be challenging. But it’s worth noting that when accomplished, a relationship can grow and become stronger because the spouses have proven that their bond is more important than politics.
- If all else fails, they can put a moratorium on politics until after the election. This means no discussions whatsoever, no watching the news together, no sharing of social media links that support one point of view. Simply keep politics out of the marriage.
- Couples therapy can also be a safe and neutral space to work through what may be highly-charged, marriage-threatening differences of opinions.
A Vote to Call it Quits
Having exclusively practiced family mediations over the past eleven years, I can help your clients resolve their family law disputes, such as divorce, by bringing creative solutions to the table and achieving amicable outcomes. Between my career in family mediations and 18 years of litigation, your clients can count on my expertise to manage the mediation process in an effective and successful manner.
VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE
ELECTION DAY IS TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 5th
We are fortunate as Americans to have the right to vote and participate in the United States’ democratic process. And we should not take our rights to vote for granted. Important deadlines to keep in mind for this election are:
Registration Deadlines
- In-person at local election offices by October 7th
- Online by October 7th no later than 11:59 PM
- By mail postmarked on or before October 7th
Absentee Ballot Deadlines
- Request ballot no later than October 24 at 5 PM
- Return ballot by mail to be received no later than November 5th at 7 PM
- Return ballot in person no later than November 5th by 7 PM
Early Voting by County
Palm Beach – October 21st – November 3rd from 7 AM to 7 PM. You can vote in person or drop off your Vote-by-Mail ballot at any Early Voting location during this time. For locations, wait times or to make an appointment visit the Palm Beach County Early Voting page.
Broward County – October 21st – November 3rd from 7AM to 7 PM. Click here to view the early voting locations.
Martin County – October 21st – November 2nd from 8 AM to 5 PM daily at the following locations: Cummings Library, Elections Center, Elisabeth Lahti Library, Hobe Sound Library, Hoke Library and Robert Morgade Library.
Voting on Election Day
- In person on November 5th from 7 AM – 7 PM. Any voters waiting in line at 7 PM will have the opportunity to cast their ballots.
For more information visit the Florida Division of Elections.
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